On Finding a Voice.

Its been three years since I completed graduate school and happily vacated the ivory tower of academia. For numerous reasons, I could not wait to get the hell out of there. I was burned out, and, I will admit, a bit jaded. The studio visits and critiques had become unwanted intrusions, and in the end I felt like I was struggling to distinguish my own voice from all of the chatter. I was forced to filter through so much information that I no longer knew what was relevant. There were too many people offering too many opinions, and all of that input had grown counter productive. I was overwhelmed by the noise.

Now I'm in a situation where the complete opposite is true. I have spent the past three years working, primarily, in isolation without any intrusions, critiques, or studio visits. The dialogue has shifted to something that is entirely internal; it is virtually non-existent outside of my own head. Although this period has allowed me to delve deeper into my work, I've found that the lack of input is quite disheartening. The silence can be deafening.

I understand why so many artists quit making art outside of school. Anyone can be an artist in college, but it is an entirely different beast when you are on your own. Not many are willing to venture out on to that tight rope once the safety net is removed. It is a very lonesome and frightening path. Staying motivated is a difficult task, and it is easy enough not to work when all of the deadlines have vanished. There are days when I am tempted quit. However, it is far too late for me, and I guess it is best not to look down.

I have tackled motivation in a similar manner as an alcoholic maintains sobriety, which, in my case, is one painting at a time. I have learned to establish my own deadlines, and a maintain a fairly regular studio practice. Yet, this is easy for me to do because I love painting. My biggest challenge is getting the work out into the world and generating a dialogue. I am searching for a discourse to engage in, and rather than wait around for it to come to me, I decided to start writing this blog. After all, if I am searching for a conversation, then it is my responsibility to initiate it. If no one is going to provide me with a venue, then I will just have to do it myself.