Studio Update: Large Paintings

I originally intended to post this update last night, but instead I installed an air conditioner in the bedroom and watched a Francis Bacon documentary.

All of these paintings are works that I am creating with the funds that I secured with the CAAP grant. I am on schedule to finish the project by November. I have included some shots of completed paintings, and a couple of shots of ones that are in the works. The paintings have evolved and a new series is emerging. The Nuclear Winter series is at a decent stopping point, and I'm still trying to figure out a working title for the new series. It's pretty hot in the apartment, so I am going to wrap it up here and retire for the evening. Feel free to let me know what you think.

"Untitled Work in Progress"
Acrylic and Mixed Media on Canvas,
54 x 42,
2009

"Autumn VII"
Oil and Acrylic on Canvas
54 x 42
2009

"Autumn VIII"
Acrylic on Canvas
54 x 42
2009

"Untitled Work in Progress"
Acrylic and Mixed Media on Canvas,
54 x 42,
2009

"Autumn VIII"
Acrylic on Canvas
54 x 42
2009

Studio Update: Small Studies

At the moment I am working at three jobs, so I have not had much time to post as frequently as I would like. However, I do make time for the studio, and I will be posting updates today. I wanted to give you them all at once, but I decided to present them by scale. This morning I'm showing you some smaller studies in various stages of completion, and later this evening I intend to post some shots of larger paintings. The truth be told, I am trying to cram this post in before I head off to my retail gig (a side note: I only have six shifts left!), and the smaller scale pics were the only ones that were web ready.

"work-in-progress" acrylic on canvas, 11 X 14, 2009.

"work-in-progress" acrylic on canvas, 16 X 20, 2009.

"work-in-progress" acrylic on canvas, 16 X 20, 2009.

"work-in-progress" acrylic on canvas, 16 X 20, 2009.

How to Run Your Very Own Artist Space

I recently attended Artists Run Chicago at the Hyde Park Art Center and I picked up a copy of these instructions courtesy of Deluxe Projects. I thought this would be something nice to share:

Instructions For Running A DIY Space

1. Fall in love with art.

2. Go to a party, a bar, an opening, a lecture etc.–anywhere where you can see art and find conversation. Get out of your studio.

3. Find other artists there who are as desperate as you are to explore the art world!

4. Hang out together, visit each other’s studios, get high, and share your secrets.

5. Talk a brutal corporate management company into giving you a big space at a reduced rent for a month.

6. Come up with a name that suits the show and create a logo that feels instantly permenent.

7. Spend every day and night sanding, spackling, painting and coughing up drywall dust. Paint your friend’s head!!! hA!

8. Realize that you are actually building a funky white cube with the earnest intentions of mounting an exhibition that will change your littler corner of the world.

9. Fall in love with your partners and their visions and their voices and their arguments and their felt and paint and foam and dirt and bricks and geometry and good, etc.

10. Open the show up to everybody no matter who they are or where they come from.

11. During the opening, let the summer breeze drift in through open windows while the city lights float in the night like electric fireflies. Realize that whoever you all were before this, you are all now changed and open and awake.

12. Decide to keep the shows happening in whatever way possible. Find a direction, a focus, a reason to keep falling in love with art and artists.

—Our Aim Is True—

Deluxe Projects

Push Pin Projects 0014

Danielle Gustafson-Sundell, Carrie Gundersdorf, Adam Scott and Andy Moore

April 2009

Insomnia

I am wide awake in the middle of the night, and my mind is racing. Lots of things are set in motion, and I am feeling a bit anxious. I have to open the store at Blick today, and then, immediately after my shift ends, attend an orientation at the Art Institute for the Summer Art Mentor Program I am taking part in. To top that off, I have what feels like a million pieces of art underway, and I am trying to hand code an new website using xhtml, css and javascript. There are also proposal deadlines that I am constantly avoiding, a new batch of photos to edit, and a few blog posts I must write. And people think artists don't work.

Moment of Truth

Yesterday I put my notice in at Blick. In an earlier post I mentioned that I was planning to quit my full time job and focus on painting; that time has finally come. Things started to fall in place this past week, and over the weekend I had to weigh my decisions. What is more important time or money? I believe the answer is time.

I am feeling a mixture of emotions. Each day now is a combination of exhilaration and anxiety. I am thrilled by the prospect of freedom, and not having to sling art supplies in a retail environment. I am also terrified of having to survive without that steady source of income flowing in. The unknown is always scary, but nothing is gained without risk.

In July I pick up an additional class at Lill Street Art Center. I will also start work for an organization called Street Level. They have hired me on as an Artist Mentor for their Summer Art Apprenticeship Program. These gigs will provide enough money to pay the bills on the short term, but they are also very temporary and contingent upon enrollment. However, that is the price I am willing to pay for more time in the studio.

My goal is to succeed as a professional artist. I do not want to do anything else but paint and occasionally teach. This is the life I want to live, so I am going to start living it. This is about my choice in lifestyle and creating my own values. Success is a state of mind, and it is nearly impossible to attain while working for someone else. The road ahead is going to be tough and there will be plenty of obstacles to overcome, but I believe I am up to the challenge.

On Finding a Voice.

Its been three years since I completed graduate school and happily vacated the ivory tower of academia. For numerous reasons, I could not wait to get the hell out of there. I was burned out, and, I will admit, a bit jaded. The studio visits and critiques had become unwanted intrusions, and in the end I felt like I was struggling to distinguish my own voice from all of the chatter. I was forced to filter through so much information that I no longer knew what was relevant. There were too many people offering too many opinions, and all of that input had grown counter productive. I was overwhelmed by the noise.

Now I'm in a situation where the complete opposite is true. I have spent the past three years working, primarily, in isolation without any intrusions, critiques, or studio visits. The dialogue has shifted to something that is entirely internal; it is virtually non-existent outside of my own head. Although this period has allowed me to delve deeper into my work, I've found that the lack of input is quite disheartening. The silence can be deafening.

I understand why so many artists quit making art outside of school. Anyone can be an artist in college, but it is an entirely different beast when you are on your own. Not many are willing to venture out on to that tight rope once the safety net is removed. It is a very lonesome and frightening path. Staying motivated is a difficult task, and it is easy enough not to work when all of the deadlines have vanished. There are days when I am tempted quit. However, it is far too late for me, and I guess it is best not to look down.

I have tackled motivation in a similar manner as an alcoholic maintains sobriety, which, in my case, is one painting at a time. I have learned to establish my own deadlines, and a maintain a fairly regular studio practice. Yet, this is easy for me to do because I love painting. My biggest challenge is getting the work out into the world and generating a dialogue. I am searching for a discourse to engage in, and rather than wait around for it to come to me, I decided to start writing this blog. After all, if I am searching for a conversation, then it is my responsibility to initiate it. If no one is going to provide me with a venue, then I will just have to do it myself.

Three More Things I Can Do Today

Periodically I will post these small lists of what I would like to accomplish today. These will often be things that I've procrastinated on. I adopted this idea from Leo Babauta and his blog Zen Habits. Without further ado, here are the three things I can do today:

1) Visit the Hyde Park Art Center

2) Build the smaller canvases I've wanted to build.

3) Write that guest post for ReCollect Creative.

Why Fear?

I am fascinated by the power of fear. It is a raw emotion that has direct ties to our survival instincts (see fight or flight). At times, listening to fear will keep you alive, but other times it prevents you from truly living. People are quick to relinquish their rights and responsibilities for a sense of security and safety. Thus the reason all governments are corrupt, and religion is such a big hit. Everyone wants a Big Brother to tuck them in at night and a God to answer their prayers. People need that reassurance that everything is safe and sound.

People say they want change, but it is actually something they fear the most. People are more willing to embrace a known wrong rather than risk facing an unknown situation which may be better, but then again it might be worse. For example, I am planning to quit my job and work as an artist full time. I think about this constantly, but then the lurking economy rears its ugly head and all of a sudden I'm afraid of becoming another casualty of this recession. I start worrying about how I will pay my bills and then I second guess myself. The fear of failure has a paralyzing affect. Even though I hate my job, I am inclined to keep it because it provides me with a steady income and a sense of security. I know that I would be happier working for myself, but the uncertainty is scary enough to keep me punching the clock at a job that makes me miserable.I am on the cusp of change and I couldn't be more frightened.

So when I explore fear as the subject matter for my artwork, I do so in order to understand how it affects people and society in general. I also use it as a way to gain insight into how fear affects me personally. When I confront a widespread fear such as nuclear warfare or terrorism, I am also confronting my personal fears of failure and destitution. One could say I am exorcising my own demons. My ultimate goal is to take these fears and all of the negative energy that surrounds them and transform them into something much more positive and constructive. Rather than attempting to eliminate fear altogether, I try to acknowledge it, accept it and then subvert it. The work provides a means to overcome fear, and I hope the end result is a piece that inspires more than it dissuades. Whether or not this is evident to the viewer I do not know, but it is something that I think about while I am creating my work.

Concerning Fear and Terrorism; The New Bogeyman

My current work focuses on the manipulation of fears and desires by mass media and popular culture. The work is part autobiographical and part social commentary. Through the process of drawing and painting, I am able to look back at various points of my life and re-examine what my basic fears and desires were, and how those emotions were fed by the media sources I consumed. The bogeyman of my youth was communism and I was reminded each and every day that at any moment the red scourge of a Soviet nuclear missile could come screaming down from the sky and wipe out everything. This fear was reinforced by emergency drills conducted at school where alarms were sounded and we filed out of our classrooms in an orderly fashion into the dark basement hallways and proceeded to kneel down and duck our heads between our legs and beneath our hands. I remember thinking that this procedure was completely pointless and I began realizing that this sort of action was only initiated to maintain an illusion of security and safety.

The same feelings arise whenever I travel. It baffles me that I am expected to remove my shoes and belt before I pass through security check points. Yet again I find myself questioning the procedure as I am filing down a corridor in an orderly fashion passing through scanners and metal detectors, only for them to inform me that I cannot bring a bottle of water or a tube of toothpaste because they pose a security rise. There is a new bogeyman in town and his name is Terrorism.

Every day we are bombarded by images of masked men bearing AK 47s and parades of suicide bombers donning their explosive vests in the war torn streets of Iraq and Gaza. Osama bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri flash across television screens just like Emmanuel Goldstein poised to elicit our two minutes of hate. These images are often frightening, and combined with ten second soundbites and infinite loops, the result is streamlined propaganda of a fear machine.

I engage in this work not only to draw into question the basis of this fear, but also to regain some sense of control over this emotion. There are truly dangerous people at work in the world, and I am not attempting to deny that. However, fear is often capitalized upon and the people we should really be afraid of are rarely the ones depicted in the headlines.

This series of work is just beginning to develop and I am excited to watch it take shape. Usually I do not show my work in such an early stage of development, but I am choosing to open up my creative process a little bit just to see what kind of feedback emerges. There will be more updates in the coming weeks, so continue to check back and feel free to comment. Until next time, thanks for taking a glimpse into my studio.