Taking the leap.

I have decided to take the plunge and quit my full time job. This is something I have contemplated for some time now, and it is a decision which I am not taking lightly. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't scared shitless by the prospect of failure, however I figure that if I don't make this move, then I have already failed. There is more to life than money, and working full time for someone else only ensures that I will never get ahead. My heart tells me that this is the right decision, and I cannot afford to continue squandering my time and energy on endeavors which leave me completely devoid of any sense of fulfillment.

There will be a number of people who think that I am crazy, and they will point to the economy and say, "we're in this big bad recession and you should be thankful that you even have a job!" I don't deny that things are bad out there, however, the current state of the economy is what prompted me to make this decision. I realized that I am only one arbitrary spreadsheet away from financial ruin, and despite how safe and secure my job appears to be, the fact that I earn a salary means that I am expendable. With that in mind, I would be a fool to continue down my current path without developing some sort of exit strategy. This is an opportunity for me to regain control and start living the life I want to live.

I don't want you to get the wrong idea and think that I am unappreciative about my job. My bosses are good people, and my co-workers are great. There are many things that I like about my job, and I am very comfortable in my position. This job has helped me settle in and establish myself in Chicago, and a large portion of my network has come from contacts that I have made working here. I do not regret the time I have put in, and I have had a lot of fun working here. With all of that said, this job was always meant to be a stepping a stone, and the time has now come to move on.

My goal is to be a professional artist, and to me that requires a full time commitment to painting in my studio. If I didn't think I could do this I would have quit a long time ago. If it weren't such a challenge would I have ever embarked on it? I have spent my entire life preparing for this moment, and all I can do now is let go and trust that things will work. There is this zen saying which I've always tried to live by: "Leap and the net will appear."

Studio Snapshot

Here are some snapshots of the latest work coming out of my studio.

Public Domain Opening!

I am showing in a new exhibition titled "Public Domain", which is named after an old school Powell-Peralta video from the late 80's. All of the participating artists were provided with a blank skateboard deck to customize. The show opens on Friday May 22nd, 6- 10pm, at Cafe Wha Who, 228 W Chicago Ave, Chicago, IL 60654.

The exhibition will feature decks by:

• Steve Amos
• Jason Brammer
• Phoebe Fisher
• Damara Kaminecki
• Revise CMW
• Steve Cox
• Tim Lilligan
• Sean Fermoyle

Here is a snapshot of the skateboard that I am currently finishing up in the studio:

Removing the Clutter

Yesterday I dedicated my first two hours to cleaning up the studio. I tend to work on several projects simultaneously, and things often get a bit chaotic when I'm flying around throwing oil paint on this canvas, and tossing acrylic on the next. Needless to say things get messy fairly quickly and in the end I wind up spending more time searching for the things I need than actually using them. The clutter had become a huge obstacle to my painting and it had to be eliminated.

There were piles of things on the floor and every table surface was a veritable wasteland of jars, brushes and paper. It appeared to be an overwhelming task, but it had to be done, so I grabbed a broom and started sweeping up the saw dust that was everywhere. I swept a section of about two square feet when I realized that there was too much on the floor to continue sweeping. All of the paint returned to their respective bins and I put all of the solvents and mediums back on the shelf. I went back to sweeping and I worked from the edges and corners of the room back into the middle, which formed an island of sawdust, scrap wood, string, screws, and staples. Cleaning is one of those things that I usually dread, but the deeper I got into it the better I felt about it overall. Removing the clutter allowed me to actually see what I was working on and it also eliminated the mental strain from navigating the debris.

Cleaning provided me with clarity. Now I can't wait to walk into the studio to work again because the space is organized and I know where everything is at. There is also much more open space now and my work no longer has to compete for my attention, which is as it should be. Most importantly it helped put me in the right mindset to create. I feel very positive about the studio now, and this will undoubtedly resonate in the work.

Experiment Results.

I'm no stranger to compiling lists, nor am I very good at adhering to them. Earlier this morning I decided to conduct a little experiment in order to force myself to follow through on a couple tasks I had procrastinated on. By posting my list online I hoped to introduce some accountability into the equation; my intention was to get out there and accomplish these things rather than staying home and watching the Cubs game (which I've been known to do). I am happy to report that this experiment was a success.

Visual research for new designs.
I started my day by riding the El into the Loop to visit Chicago's Harold Washington Library to conduct my research. I spent about two hours flipping through books on various military themes and propaganda. I ended up checking out the following books:

• "The Illustrated Directory of Modern Soviet Weapons" edited by Ray Bonds (1986)

• "Merchants of Fear : Why They Want Us to be Afraid" by Christopher Catherwood and Joe DiVanna (2008)
• "War Posters : Weapons of Mass Communication"by James Aulich (2007).
  

Additionally, I put in a request for "Soviet Posters : the Sergo Grigorian Collection" by Maria Lafont (2007), and, on a side note, I am picking up a copy of "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running : A Memoir" by Haruki Murakami (2008). I think this material will provide a good balance of mental and visual stimulus as I develop ideas for my work.

Begin work on a new painting from the Nuclear Winter Series.
I was recently awarded a C.A.A.P. Grant by the City of Chicago to create my current series of paintings titled "Nuclear Winter". This body of work focuses on the relationship between sexual repression and the glorification of the military within Western culture. At this stage of the series, my most recent paintings are primarily about building up tension and establishing a climate of fear in order to drive conflict. The painting I began working on is the fifth painting out of the proposed ten paintings I am completing for this project. I have included some in process snap shots so you can see my progress.

Here's a shot of the painting a few hours later after I went at it for a while. These initial layers were all done using acrylic paint. I have not decided if I am going to use oils on this painting.

Develop Small Studies.
As for this goal, I printed a couple of design frameworks that I put together in Photoshop. I then made a run to Kinkos and engaged in some photocopy madness. The copies are an important part of my sketching process, and I often cut them up and rearrange them before I begin transferring them to small canvases via gel-medium transfers. Since that process takes some time I really don't have anything more to show you at the moment. Check back in the near future when I am certain to have further updates.

Three Things I Can Do Today

I'm going to try a little experiment. I have made a list of three things I would like to accomplish today. The items on this list are small, but necessary, steps in the development of a larger body of work. I decided that today is the day to stop procrastinating and get on with it. At the end of the day I will publish my results. Here is the list:

1) Visual research for new designs.
2) Begin work on a new painting from the Nuclear Winter series.
3) Develop small studies.